The End of the Too XYZ Blog

It is with no small amount of irony that less than a week after the (unobserved) two your anniversary of the launch of this blog I should post this to announce what I alluded to months ago; I will be discontinuing Too XYZ. This will be, for all intents and purposes, the last post I make on it.

When I first created this blog in February of 2010, I was no stranger to blogging. My other blog, (which will remain unchanged) called Always Off Book has been a place to share my theatre related adventures, experiences, plans and opinions since October of 2005. Yet during the fall of 2009, as I began to gain an all too temporary and transient esteem from some of the folks at Brazen Careerist, it became clear to me that I may in fact have something to say about things other than community theatre. Things that could help others, make people think, and start conversations.

The glut of self-help and opinion based blogs was obvious to me. Obvious due in no small part to the fact that just about all of them were advising things that were contrary to my natural state. The modes operandi of many blogs then, as now, seems to be, "Shut up, suck it up, smile, and accept the fact that everything in the universe is either under your control, or is entirely your fault. Get on the right side of this fence today."

Not only was that sort of militant "positive" thinking not enough for me and usually ineffective as presented, it bordered on the offensive. Who exactly are these blogosphere drones to tell me that there is one, and only one way to do shit? One way by which to get out of a funk, fix a career, gain money, get published, find a relationship, garner respect, start a business. You name it, and the vast majority of blogs and articles out there insisted upon the same worn out, cookie cutter, "go out there and get it" solutions, all predicated on the idea that luck, privilege and assistance have never and will never contribute to the success or failure of any human being. (And certainly not to their own.)

I wasn't buying that bumper sticker. I knew, from a life filled with disappointment, struggles, failures, limited resources, and at times stupefying bad-timing and bad luck that there was more to the picture than simply wanting it enough. That there had to be something else to be offered to people like me besides, "Want it more! Work harder!". And I felt, in a place deep inside me, that there were others like me who, for reasons they could not quantify, had found themselves unable to catch a break. Unable to get ahead. Unable to even kick open a door, let alone get their foot into same. An entire demographic of people who, like myself, were left always exhausted as well as exasperated by the enormous amounts of energy they spent spinning their tires, and making little to no progress in the world. And even the successful people had to feel this way sometimes, beyond a certain point.

It was those people I wanted to reach, with the help of my Brazen Careerist platform and connections. So I began to plan out a second blog. One dedicated to expressing both how I was too...something, and reaching out to others who were too...something. I wanted a blog wherein I could explore, with other like minded people, why everyone thought we were too poor, too old, too cautious, too shy, too introverted, too, unconventional. A place to explore why we were always far "too"...something. Fill in the blank, I thought. Too XYZ was born.

This was before I was on Twitter, and therefore my blog, and my activity on Brazen Careerist was my key to reaching people. And reach them, I did. For a time. Mentioning my blog posts at BC made me a frequent recipient of the "Featured Post" honor. Comments would come, and conversations would start. It started out well.

But then other things began to happen. Those who enjoyed my candid, zero-bullshit approach when they agreed with what I was saying suddenly became abrasive when I applied it to things with which they did not agree. When I applied my at times acerbic commentary towards my own life, people got testy. I gained and lost several "friends" after the first year of Too XYZ. (Thankfully, I have kept most of them.) My content began to be seen, I imagine, as more of a crusade against the status quo. (Which it was.)

Yet I think a certain demographic of people expected that I was trying to be the next Seth Godin (god forbid that vapid future), and document some kind of personal journey into fame and wealth which I too would enter by kicking doors open and taking the world by storm, as all of their other blogging heroes had done. I theorize many of my initial, enthusiastic reader expected me to adhere to conventional gurudom, monetize my blog, write some damned e-book or another, sell it, talk about it all the time, make money, and polish the all important "personal brand". A brand which would, in essence, be built around the idea of being Too XYZ in a way that was more marketable and conventional. (Even Dan Schawabel shared one of my early blog posts once, which is apparently a big deal.)

This didn't happen. My goal wasn't to be king of the blogosphere. My idea was to start conversations and meet people.

Some would say I failed to achieve my blogging goals because I didn't capitalize on the excellent notoriety and platform I was building. Many left my readership as well as my "friendship" because I failed to seize what they felt needed seizing. I wasn't doing what Gen-Y has been bred almost to the genetic level to do...take what I had built, draw blood with it, and double it every eight weeks. In short, many expected me to become "Ty, Inc." This notion made my skin crawl. I enjoyed posting about and responding to Gen-Y career-related content, yes, because I believe I offered a view that nobody else was considering. But my point was to express that view, and encourage others to express that view in order to make a hole for those of us who know that by and large the Seth Godin and CopyBlogger way is mostly bullshit. I didn't want to use my statements against such things in order to become such things. And I think a lot of my early readers couldn't grasp that. Kicking ass is kicking ass, after all, right?

So I backed away from the "Gen-Y" "How to succeed at your career", type of posts, and moved more into the nature of being Too XYZ in a world that doesn't want to deal with such variables. (The blog's reason for being in the first place.) I initially thought that my success at BC would carry me through in this regard as well. It didn't. I don't want to get into a bashing fest, but suffice to say that like so many other good ideas before it, Brazen Careerist over the course of the next year became anything but Brazen. The same tired, cookie cutter responses, sullied by corporate interest and editorial interference by new employees beholden to same. The sense of exploring the whole person with which the platform was founded, and under which I thrived, vanished in favor of exposure and perks for the already privileged. The elite. The ones with mile long resumes and the connections to rub golden elbows.

In short, I was now Too XYZ for Brazen Careerist. And when the final indignity of being treated like a total newb by one of the so called "editors" took place, I bid my farewells to the place, after gaining 400 followers, (most of which never responded to my private messages...so much for networking) and being labeled a "Top User".

But this blog remained, in hopes that I would still reach that same disenfranchised group of people, while at the same time offering an example of my writing skills to those who wished to observe same. By now I had started on Twitter, and was getting the hang of that; I never really adopted it as most others have, but have learned to use it to some small advantage in the networking department. I'd continue to blog on topics of Too XYZ, while also tweeting about same. Only with a more philosophical bent, as opposed to the analytic and critical approach from earlier in the blog's life.

The readership changed somewhat. It remained steady, though quiet. I won't get into numbers here, but most posts didn't match the numbers of some of my early posts from the career-oriented days of BC. There were some exceptions; people on Twitter were eating up my posts on introversion. As well as my occasional posts on my writing. I began to think that if I could somehow meld my views on being an introvert into being Too XYZ, I could perhaps reach those who were both. And if I could share those experiences through the lens of being a writer, all the better. So I tried to do that with my posts. I succeeded somewhat, but the writing was on the wall; the mission of my online content had changed, and this blog, as it was, no longer quite fit that mission.

I was losing the desire to create this "otherness" about what I am. I maintain that there is something different about me, and that solving my problems is not as simple as most people think that it is. But as my posts began to lean more towards introspection, I came to a conclusion, expressed in this post, that I wasn't serving either myself, nor other people that are Too XYZ very well at all. I was conceptualizing the state of being "Too XYZ", and trying to write and discuss that, when what I should have been doing was sharing myself with the world...an individual man who happens also to be, in some areas, Too XYZ. Let people get to know me and what makes me tick, and not just my existential proclivities. (After all, not all of me is Too XYZ believe it or not. I can be damn practical too.)

My research and work over the last few months has been pursuant of this realignment. And by Easter, a brand new website and blog will be the culmination of this perceptual shift.

My new site will still be dominated by a blogging component, but the content will vary a bit more. Instead of posts about being Too XYZ, you will find posts about being me. Not confined to mere navel-gazing, I'll be posting thoughts, experiences, advice, observations, questions and links pertaining to such topics as writing, introversion, daily life, and yes, being Too XYZ. That aspect of my blogging will not vanish, and indeed, 100% of the content from this blog will be folded into the new one, to be categorized appropriately as per the new broader, Ty-Based approach.

In addition to the blogging, I will provide informational pages about me, how to hire me, writing samples, how to contact me, current projects and more. It will not be the fanciest, plug-in crazy website you will find. It will not be dripping with fancy code and all of the latest widgets. It will be, as this site has been, minimalist in presentation. Clean. Clear. Direct. The depth of content, however will hopefully be up to what you have come to expect from me and my writing. Indeed I hope to continue to improve and expand my content as I give a better idea of not only who I am, but what I can do.

If all goes as planned, I'll be engaging to more people. The site will be place where you can come and get to know either one single aspect of me, such as my writing, or multiple aspects of who I am, and what I do and want. Simple at first where content is king, and perhaps later on, if thing goes well, somewhat more fancy, where, you guessed it, content is still king.

The true work on that site begins this very week. And while I could continue to post here as I set up the new place, (or at least continue to repost Too XYZ Classics), I have decided that now is a good time to make the break and concentrate more fully on making the new site. Which is why I'll not be blogging again until the new place is up and running. When the address and domain are set-up I will probably post one more entry here announcing where to find me in case any stragglers show up and read the blog. But for all intents and purposes this is, as I said, the final entry of any substance for Too XYZ.

I want to thank all of you who have read, commented on, and subscribed to this blog over the last two years. Some of you I know, but most of you have remained in the shadows, leaving no contact information with which I can thank you personally. I hope that if you have been a regular reader of Too XYZ, you will make the switch and come on over to read and subscribe to the new place, once it's all ready. In the mean time, if you don't already, do follow me on Twitter @TyUnglebower. I'll be posting site updates and other things there as well. If not, check back here periodically next month for the official address once I create it.

This blog in this space will remain up for the foreseeable future, both for archival purposes and so that I can respond to any comments I might get on any posts. (Yes, I will still engage in conversations about any of the topics I have brought up over the last two years.) But for now, my short blogging hiatus begins. I hope to see you all on the other side of it. Until then, remember we're all a little Too XYZ sometimes, and that is okay.

sincerely, Ty Unglebower

A Time For Change? I Ask My Readers

I have been thinking about a few things related to this blog and my social media/internet presence in general. And as you probably gathered from my last post, I have not always been happy with what I see.

Not that I never am. I have met some people, and far more of them have turned out to be nice, than have turned out to be asses. I have gotten some advice from some of the good ones as well. And some of the good ones have written comments here.

Just today I met someone over on Brazen Careerist who complimented me on this blog, and the things I say in it. That is always good to hear.

That being said, it is probably what I say, far more than where I say it that is most important. Being able to easily share my ideas as well as my  talent to as many people as possible as fast as possible is the primary concern of my online activity. And to that end, I have been kicking around the idea of changing the nature of my online presence. This blog doesn't seem to be accomplishing all of the goals I had for it when I created it, and I have pondered if trying things a bit differently would increase my chances of accomplishing more of my personal online goals.

To me, I see five several options.

1) Tighten the focus of this blog even further.

I could make the content even more specific to some aspect of myself, what I do, or what I want. Examples include converting this to a strictly introvert oriented blog. (Which in a sense it is now.) Or perhaps to a blog that is only about my writing adventures, much like Always Off Book is dedicated to my theatre adventures. Or, instead of "Too XYZ" being a general beacon of content, I could revamp every post from now on to very specifically mention the concept. Make every post an exact exploration of a particular way in which I am in fact Too XYZ.

2) Fold this, as well as Always Off Book and other endeavors into a new Ty Unglebower supersite.

This is the more complicated and more expensive approach, but one I have given more consideration to in the last two months than I have previously over the years. Everything I do would be consolidated into one central location. The archives for both of my blogs would survive and be accessible from the supersite, but future posts on a blog would then be posted to the site itself, possibly with tags or separate pages pertaining to each category. (All acting posts together in one place, all Too XYZ type posts in a another.)

I have talked this over with a few people online, and the basic idea seems possible, and as with many things there are about a dozen ways in which the same goal could be accomplished. None of which I totally understand yet. But I have a vision in my head as to how it would work. With one go-to online identity that included pictures, writing samples, a resume, and of course the always evolving blog content, I would feel more free to promote me and all that comes with me as opposed to trying to niche down everything that comes to mind. Pointing to "me" would be easier than directing different people to different places.

I have my online business card for this purpose in theory. But the company has been slow to correct some major bugs in their software, and it has never quite done what it was supposed to do. And even if it did, a supersite may still be in order.

The downside is, I feel that if I combine all aspects of my personal media into one place, each component loses a bit of something. (And in the case of Always Off Book, a project I have been working on for almost six years.) Plus I run the risk of being seen as some kind of Jack of all trades/master of none.

3) Terminate Too XYZ.

Not an easy thing to consider. But I sometimes wonder based on my numbers lately if I am continuing to reach an audience at all. I know I reach specific individuals, because they tell me so. But given how much time I put into writing a post, storing ideas for posts, publishing them, marketing them via BC and Twitter over and over, and getting in most cases little to no feedback on the ideas or posts, I am beginning to wander how much of an impact this blog is really having.

Always Off Book has been my blogging labor of love for as I said six years. I have known for a while few people read that, and it too did not accomplish what I set out for it to accomplish. (Seeing a pattern?) But That is a part of my theatre life now. I won't be getting rid of that totally anytime soon. (Except in a way, with Number 2 above.) So I know how to persist and write for a blog because it is important to me. I just don't know if it is worth the time to do that for two blogs that are not having the impact I had hoped for.

I have to wonder if the overall mission for Too XYZ has been accomplished.

4) Move Too XYZ to WordPress

Despite the fact that I have considered it, this still seems like one of the sillier options. I do not understand the hype about WordPress. I don't understand why people take a blog more seriously by default of it is WordPress than they do if it is Blogger. I find what experimentation I have done with the WordPress template to be quite confusing and counter intuitive. I am a WYSIWYG sort of publisher, and WordPress is far from that.

Yet for some as yet unexplained reason, people seem to think that a WordPress blog, as much of a pain in the ass as it is, is a better blog. Such people make style more important than substance in my view, and I have always choked on the very idea of making my content less important than the box it is in. Yet if there is any chance to beef up my readership somewhat by migrating, it may be worth it.

5) Change Nothing. Continue to promote and build an audience for a while longer.


 Conclusion

The whole point of this recent brainstorming is to correct what I have perceived to be some of the weaknesses with my online presence as of late. There are a huge number of suggested hoops out there through which I will never be able to jump. The vast majority of the promotion and image advice I find out there, even from my decent, well meaning allies is simply not for me. That is not going to change. Yet if there are some smaller hoops out there that I can simply step through slowly which will be of assistance to my online reputation, without forcing me to alter my precepts, I am willing to take a few such steps.

The point of being online afterall is to share ideas. My ideas. The ideas will not change. The direction will not change. But the ideas have to be visible if they are to impact anyone for the better. And lately I am not sure they are getting out there. That is the impetus for these considerations.

So what does everyone think? Which of the five make most sense to you? Or would you advice something totally different? Please let me know, if we have not already talked about it privately. You can leave comments here, or email me if you prefer that.

Missed Anniversary

Six days ago, Too XYZ turned a year old. Yes, it was on February 1, 2010 that I first introduced this blog to the world, as part of my new social media presence. And the day went by with nary a mention from me.

Why didn't I make a big to-do about it then? It's often part of my personality to be sentimental. Is it because I no longer care about this blog? That's not it at all. The truth is, I didn't really think about it. I suppose I had a vague sense that somewhere around this time last year I launched Too XYZ, but I was never motivated to find the exact date.

I should, I suppose, have written an assessment of what I learned during the first year of doing this blog. What could improve and what is good about it. Thank people who made it happen. Compare the reality with what my aspirations were. Express my goals and visions for the second year of the blog.

But in the end, I didn't, nor do I plan to. I don't feel it would serve a purpose.

For one thing, the excitement of milestones may not be novel enough for me as a blogger and writer. I experienced, and have celebrated the chronological milestones of my other, older blog, Always Off Book. That blog was five years old by the time I even started this one, and so I had already proven to myself and others that I do have it in me to sustain and regularly update a blog for an extended period of time. Doing so for this one is something of which I am proud to a certain degree, but I have in a sense already been there and done that.

Not to mention the fact that I think it would be somewhat ironic if not hypocritical  for me to celebrate the one year anniversary of this blog, which is dedicated to those who do not fit into the mold, by rolling out one of the most conventional, status quo driven types of posts. This blog hasn't been conventional from the start, why make it so now?

However I feel the biggest reason I didn't consciously think of celebrating this milestone is that that my views on social media, as well as the nature of using it for personal gain have changed in the year this blog has been up. Not everything is different, but I have come to realize that it is only by embracing the status quo, kissing a little ass, and following all of the trends, suggestions, fads, and conventional wisdom that a blog can actually become the sort of idea depot on the scale I had envisioned a year ago. A very well meaning friend once actually suggestted to me that perhaps it was time for me to make the blog "more conventional" in tone, not realizing how that would counter act the raison d'etre of Too XYZ.

You see, I am still a content driven minimalist with little to no desire to hire outside consultants to "whip this blog into shape". I'd still rather spend my time writing and coming up with content to share with others then learning code, taking classes in marketing, and buying the latest e-book from "Super Blog Guy!" It isn't that I have no desire to work hard, (a sin of which many have accused me). It's that I have come to realize that taking these steps emphasize style over substance too much.

It isn't that this has to be so, as many stylish blogs have decent content. The balance is there. But I find the slope to be a slippery one.

Several blogs that started out at about the same time as this one, or even later, have gone on to become, or at least are on their way to becoming semi-famous. Perhaps even bringing in a passive income for their writers. I know some of these writers, and even advised some of them early on. I follow them on Twitter and are their fans on Brazen Careerist. And when they first started out I was drawn to the up-start, personal, passionate nature of their posts. Blogging from the gut on a minimalist platform. Granted, few were as minimalist as Too XYZ, but they were small time web sites with big time ideas and attitude.

I am sad to report that more than a few of them have hopped on that "blogging rockstar" train. They have spruced up their templates. They have hired web designers and marketing people. Their Google reader feeds are stuffed to the brim with subscriptions to the Seth Godins and Chris Gui...(what's his name?) and that ilk. They are in constant search for bigger blogs to which they can guest post. All in the name of spreading their ideas to a wider audience. To get on the map, as it were.

They have met with varying degrees of success. I won't lie and say there is no envy on my part. It is particularly aggravating because they are getting picked up by bigger blogs for guest posts, winning awards, and generally being far luckier than I am, even though in the end what they do isn't that different from what I do. Forgive me if I don't fall into, "you should be happy for the success of everyone around you, even if you are not succeeding" crowd.

Yet that occasional envy is tempered by a realization that came to me in this last year. I've come to realize that a lot of steps that these contemporaries took were in some ways selling out. There, I said it. I would never name names, especially since I think they are all decent people. And I can't blame them for wanting to be famous sooner as opposed to later. Maybe they really can help more people that way. But as far as the gritty, personal, passionate and original, content driven nature of their blogs...the very things that drew me to read their work in the first place? It is in many cases decreased. I won't say eliminated totally, because some originality is still there in a few of them. But it has become clear that marketing, presence and social proof won out the day with them, as opposed to allowing content to speak for itself. All of it made sadder by the fact that once upon a time they, like me, were satisfied with content being the focus. They seemed like my kindred spirits in the blogosphere. Perhaps at the time they were.

Which is probably why this blog is not huge after a year. And probably why it shall never be so, barring some other unexpected event. My posts have been mentioned by some pretty big name people off and on, but never with a lasting impact on the popularity and influence of this blog, or my web presence. Probably because, in the end such things had no influence on the nature of this blog either. I just didn't do what the majority told me to do with such moments. I continued to just do what I did, both then, when it caught the eye of the movers and shakers early on, and now, as it seems to catch fewer and fewer eyes as time goes on.

Conclusion? It shouldn't surprise you to hear me word it thus, but (personally) I am Too XYZ to turn Too XYZ (the blog) into some marketer's wet dream. I know what most people would do, because I hear people chew me out pretty regularly for not doing it. I basically lost a friend because of how pissed they were I wasn't being more conventional. So I can repeat the advice back to all the world quite well by now.

Every time I hit on an idea or position that people comment on passionately, I am supposed to write an e-book. Every time a post of mine is mentioned somewhere, I am supposed to mention it somewhere else. I am supposed to go out and find umpteen million followers so that when I ask the so called "big dogs" for a chance to guest post, they can perform a cost benefit analysis on me and see a reason to combine the notoriety with Too XYZ, with the notoriety of their own blog. And my own obscurity is based on my being lazy, and...oh lord you get the idea. So the cycle goes, as oft this blog hath shown.

My alternative is to keep saying what I say, in the manner in which I say it. Sharing these posts with people, and hoping they will start reading. Or start reading again as the case may be. Commenting on the blogs that have the sort of spirit I admire, and going else where when I find they no longer speak to me. Accepting that my ideas based, content driven, CW defying modes operandi is in all likelihood just not going to ever be anything that sets the more visible section of the internet world on fire.

That's because I don't work in fire. I don't have a torch. Or a gun, or a knife. I am no ninja, guru, or rockstar. What I am is a guy with a hammer, beating his way in slow, laborious fashion through many things: The mountainous rocks of collective bullshit. The iron gates of pre-determined privilege and influence. The accumulative barnacles of the status quo encrusted on the bow of my humble skiff as it inefficiently wades through a somewhat turbulent ocean of sameness. A skiff which may or may not one day catch a wave that takes me to the gleaming but fickle shores of internet fame.

A year (and six days) into this experiment, it is still my hope that my ideas, my thoughts, and yes even my controversies have made people think. Given them ideas. Inspired them in some way. And most of all, encouraged those who fit into no mold to go form a mold of their own, either online or offline. My desire to somehow achieve this service on a larger scale remains. But if it cannot be done by continuing to operate according to my own sense of style and marketing, I suppose in the end I don't want to do it.

My main thrust here at Too XYZ is to keep swinging that hammer. And if you've ever done such work before, you know that stopping what you are doing can kill your progress. You must keep up the momentum of the swinging, swinging, swinging, so that inertia doesn't take over and stop you. I can't stop that work to take time to make myself a rock star. I have to keep going.

Which in the end is why I have ignored my latest milestone.

Where is fancy bread? In the heart, or in the head?

My (Non) Plan for 2011

All right. In all accuracy what I am about to describe is in fact a plan. So much for my cutesy, eye catching title. But it could be considered a non-plan in more ways than one.

2010 was about a plan. I joined Twitter, and launched this blog in an effort to not only describe the nature of a square peg trying to live in the round holes of a materialistic, productivity-obsessed society, but also to join together with others who felt the same way. I wanted to connect with other people who wanted to get ahead, but found themselves to be Too XYZ. Though that has occurred to a small degree, and I have in fact connected with several great people as a result of my social media endeavors, I have not, (as I have written about before) formed a coalition of such souls. 2010 brought about many things for me, among them allies of varying stripes. For which I am grateful. But the establishment of a network of almost total like minds did not happen as I had planned or hoped.
 
I had decent exposure, through Twitter, Brazen Careerist, and other such places. I could always have more, as I have seen blogs younger than mine get lucky enough to take off like wildfire. But overall I have a network of well wishers. Yet what 2010 taught me was that I couldn't take people who are Too XYZ, and network with them in the manner that more conventional people do so. In other words, I had thought I could achieve my unique definition of success, using my own unique methods, by simply applying the social media rules and art form to people of like-mind. I have come to theorize, however that being an unconventional person, with unconventional methods and yes, unconventional weaknesses means that attaining even my own unconventional idea of success is nearly impossible when applying conventional tactics.

I know what many are thinking. There are all kind of gurus, super-bloggers, location independent freelance billionaires with passive incomes in the tens of thousands a month who got there by being exactly that; unconventional. Maybe. But as I have spent the last year looking into social media, and its alleged heroes, I have realized that for most of those types there is actually a common, and dare I say conventional thread. That common thread is their manner of marketing.

Leaving the rat race. Traveling the world. Living a dream. Saying "up yours" to the status quo. Creative visualization. LinkedIn. Blogs. Subscribing. Commenting. Linking. Tweeting. Re-Tweeting. TEDs. Podcasts. Conventions. Give-Aways. E-books. Asking "How can I help you today?" On and on and on. After awhile is all starts to sound the same to me. And maybe it is all the same, since in the end it all comes down to one (and I mean one) thing. Constantly selling.

Now, some people will flat out tell you that is it. Always be selling. Yourself and what you do. Sell, sell, sell. How? (See the above paragraph.) They make no bones about it. That's fine, for them. I actually respect them a bit more for just coming out and saying it.

But then there are those who disguise their riches, their new "free" lifestyle, their fame, their influence, in terms of how much they loved life. How much they faced fear. Made themselves uncomfortable. Went out there and "just did it!" And they encourage us all to do the same thing, because there is no such thing as luck, and anybody anywhere can do what they did.

To me that is buying the house based on how lovely the weather was that day. What all of these gurus, (some of them very well intentioned I will admit) are actual selling is....salesmanship itself. They only think it is their desire, their vision of their future, and their passion that they are selling. But really, look carefully at almost all of their stories, and you will find, in the end, that they learned how to sell, or hired, or got mentored by, or subscribed to the blog of, or was introduced by an acquaintance to someone who taught them how to sell the shit out of themselves and what they "offer" the world. In some cases it is clear that selling was far more responsible for their success than quality of their product...

Then others see the lives these people live, and how passionate, and eager to help, and lovely they are, and we start to think that it is those things that got them where they are. Those things may have kept them where they are. But in the end, selling got them there.

And you know what? I hate selling shit. I tried it as a career and it sucked every bit as much as I thought it would. I have tried to sell myself at networking events and you know what? It sucked just as much as I predicted it would. Good, talented people get ahead by selling. As do really lousy bastards. But to quote a line from one of my favorite films of all time, Primary Colors:

"I don't care. I'm not comparing the players. I don't like the game."

And I don't. This game of selling is for the birds. Actually I have a caveat; this game of selling as currently defined by most people is for the birds. This version of marketing yourself and your wares that people insist you need to master in order to get anywhere as a freelancer. The version of marketing yourself and your wares that even the most open minded, generous, and status quo hating individuals in social media will beat you over the head with, and insist is necessary, only to turn on you when you determine you cannot do it. A version of marketing yourself and your wares that has at some point transformed into a nebulous altar at which 90% of the ironically self proclaimed non-conformists gather and before which they all genuflect whilst immersed in the ecstasy of the game changing wonders of Social-Media marketing and networking.

Yeah. For the birds.

It's this manner in which we sell things, and ourselves, from which I am clearly unable to launch my life and my work. And reading the top 25 books on current marketing trends, subscribing to Seth Godin and 100 other blogs, stopping in on every web chat by every guru on this side of the equator (all of which have been emphatically suggested to me) is not going to change any of that. When it comes to traditional marketing (and social media does have its own traditions) I'm not worth a damn. Period.

And so 2011 is going to be about going at it my own way. And by my own way, I actually mean my own way. Not living life in my own way only to try to market it in a conventional way, but to proceed with my daily life, communications, research, passions, and yes, even marketing in my own way. If the gurus cannot cure themselves of their traditional social media marketing fetishes and help all of us, then I will do it myself.

And yes, I will be doing it. I never said that marketing and getting the word out in some form are wrong for me. I see their value. What I am saying is that it has be done at my own pace, using my own methods, and paying little attention to how it was done by "Cindy Happypants: Blogger Extraordinaire", who changed the world while writing about selling donuts and living a dream. (Though I would date such a woman if she existed...)

In 2011, it may come down to me living with my family again for a while. If so, I'll do it. It may mean less time networking, and more time alone, perfecting me. Fine. It will mean most of my day will be spent writing. Not selling my writing, or pitching my writing, or talking about writing. But the actual process of writing. Like doors closed, curtain drawn, I do this because this is all I know how to do, writing.

My novel at first, and then blogging, and then whatever time is left can be spent seeing if there are any magazines out there that want my stuff. And if I find them the days will be spent reading them, not making calls the schmooze the editor. And when I finally do decide I may have a piece worth pitching, I will pitch it. This may happen 10 times next year. Maybe more, or maybe even less. I won't be forcing it.

It will mean that I will be reading scripts, looking for acting projects and memorizing speeches. It will not mean saving up and moving to New York to make it on Broadway, because I don't want to be on Broadway. I want to be a better actor, and that means acting, and studying same. Not paying someone to tell me how to do it, but doing it my own way. It's not a hobby. It's what I do.

I won't be trying to learn to cook more things very often. I won't be attempting to tackle home economics or Apartment Management 101. I'll be going to bed when I am tired, and getting up when I am no longer so. I'll be writing in the passive voice, and not all of my protagonists will be different by the end of my book. I'll pass up the chance to  attend the local business card exchange and instead opt for an audition at a local community play house. And if I get in to the play, I'll blog about it on my acting blog that nobody reads, which brings in no money, and for which I have done all the marketing I know how to do, and for which I still have almost no readers.

I'll retweet things I like, and not because I want to get on the good side of someone else who isn't following me anyway. I will leave comments on friends' blogs just because they are friends and deserve to have their stuff read, whether they have "social proof" or not. I won't bother commenting on sites who require me to prove my expertise in something before taking me seriously and I will not prove my expertise through anything but the work that I do. Content shall be king in 2011. Judge my abilities by that, and not be a work history, or to hell with you.

And it won't matter what I know or who I know because I will be too busy being better than I was in 2010. And when it comes time to start knowing more people, I only want to know people who know how to behave in public, treat everyone with respect, and have the decency to return a message. Because nobody out there is important enough for me to sit around and wait weeks just for the chance of kissing their ass. I don't care how many pings their blog gets, whatever the hell they are.

And if I starve? Folks, half the time I am close to starving anyway. At least I'll starve while doing my damnedest to be productive in my own way, and not starve while trying to tweak a resume so that it can be summarily ignored by the 30 trillionth hiring manager who just doesn't have the time to understand that my "employment gaps" are due to misfortune and things beyond my control, and not because I'm not worth anything. If someone has no time to read what I write as a writer, and instead wants a flashy resume and some name dropping, they don't want me. Nor do I want them.

And just maybe, in so doing, I will get to the point where I do what I want, just like Cindy Happypants: Blogger Extraordinaire. The only difference being I'll get to be whatever I want first, as opposed to playing a half-assed game in order to have the privilege of doing so. Then I will have a product that will sell itself. (With a little bit of luck, which unlike most, I am not afraid to admit is a big part of our lives.)

And if anyone wants to join me...well...I'm still not Too XYZ for a little bit of company, and a little bit of help. And I am willing to give any help I can to anyone who wants it. But I'm not a guru, thank god.

Happy New Year.

Brazen Careerist Presents: Network Roulette

I wanted to take just a quick minute to mention the launch of something over at BrazenCareerist.com. Those who frequent this blog know that it is my preferred career oriented networking platform, and today they have added another dimension to their mission. Network Roulette.

I have mentioned it before, but in sum, it is a program on their site for members to network instantly with people all over the world. Like speed dating, a person is randomly assigned another Brazen Careerist member, and a chat window opens up. The two then have three minutes to make a professional connection of some sort. At the end of the time, the session ends and both are moved to another person with potential networking value.

The service is free, as is Brazen Careerist itself. As an introvert, I love the possibilities Network Roulette brings to the table. If this interests you as well, sign up for an account at Brazen Careerist and see what I am talking about. And if you do, stop by Too XYZ and comment on what you thought of the experience.

Who knows? You and I may run into each other on the roulette.

Write What You Know? No, Write What You Love.

I have lately had a mini-crisis of sorts in regards to my still new, but no longer fledgling freelance writer status. I haven't been motivated to write much of anything. I see the thick book full of potential markets for future writings, with all of the specific instructions on how to make inquiries each, and got a little nauseous. I checked out a list of writer's marketing websites I have been collecting and occasionally perusing over the last few months and found myself almost wishing I'd lose my internet for a few hours just so I didn't have to read one more of them. And as usual, the very thought of finding a networking event to attend in person, business card in hand made me momentarily wonder if the priesthood might not be a viable way out of this whole career networking thing. (And I am not a member of a church...so think about that.)

More than once in the last week or so even as I fulfilled the writing responsibilities I already had, I pondered if it was all really going the way it should. Hard work I believe in. Miserable work I do not, and yet the whole process of finding places to make the most money writing was starting to wear me down. The research. The pricing. The budgeting. The potential for negotiation. (I haven't done much of that yet, as most of my work has a set payment from the source.) For being something I am supposed to be built for, I certainly didn't feel at all like a freelance writer.

Late last night, as I lay pointlessly in bed, sleep eluding me, something just sort of made its way into my thought stream.

"It all sucks lately because you are using all your energy to find a paycheck and not to write."

I actually sat up in bed a bit when it came to me. I repeated it out loud once or twice. And it gradually sunk in. This voice within my mind was correct. I've been trying to shoehorn my writing mission into available marketing scenarios, instead of creating a quality product that is unique to me, and presenting it on its merits to whomever I decide should see it. As a result, the creativity I usually tap when I write has been a bit plugged of late.

The time and energy I have spent in recent months trying to create an income stream has increasingly outweighed that which was dedicated to actually writing. My focus was on money. On not having enough of it. On desiring to make 100% of my living through writing. On paying off every penny of all my debts as soon as possible. My focus was not actually on writing. I was using writing as a tool to fix my financial situations, as opposed to writing because I have something that needs to be said. I wasn't burning out on writing. I was burning out on money grabbing. My focus should have been on the actual craft of being a wordsmith.

Don't get me wrong. I know that a freelance writer has to have some business acumen. In addition, I know that my acumen in that area is lesser than many others. But I also know that the business side of things can't really take the front seat. Not with me.

Many of you fellow freelancers will probably tear me apart for that, and if you do, so be it. But I am Too XYZ to just follow a business template because most other people follow it. It has to be true to me. And pursuing the money, and trying to adjust my writing to it wasn't being true to me.

No, I need to stop, and think about those articles, blog posts, columns and other writings that are already in my head, waiting to materialize. And I need to give them life on the page, and find later what to do with them. Some may call that writing on spec, and many hate doing so. But I need to create a sparkling product, and the better way for me to do that at this time is to write what I feel I need to write, and then find a market for it. (Or in the very least an audience, even if no money is involved.) As it stands now, many things are not being written because I haven't established enough connections in the business, or haven't found a perfect magazine, or I haven't found a contest that calls for my type of writing specifically. In the mean time, stress, doubt, and fear are filling the void left by the delayed composition.

Writing with passion is important, because it will translate into my work, and make it more desirable in any venue, free or paid. It will leave people wanting more. I doubt that it is a coincidence that my most passionate blog posts here tend to be among my most read. (Not always, but often.)

And what happens when the fire burns out, and I run out of things about which I feel a visceral need to put into words? My sense is that the more I allow myself to write the things I am inspired by, the more inspired I will be to write other things.

Plus, it will also encourage me to go out into the world and experience more in the coming year or so. Visit more places, read different publications. (Even meet more people, but only once in a while.) The more I am exposed to, the more I am going to be inspired to write about. And hence, the better my chance of selling something becomes. It has worked here on the blog, and it must work with the more business oriented I create.

I fight with writer's guilt a lot. I haven't always recognized that, or even admitted it when I did. But I do, and I guess lately it has gained some traction and got ahead of me. But I need not be guilty for being a writer. I can't let the inane and archaic Protestant Work Ethic, and the myth of merit based American Dream guilt me into either running everywhere for a paycheck, or abandoning writing altogether in favor of working at something I hate just to get a paycheck. My family won't let me starve, and I need to make use of that investment they make in me to become a more successful version of myself as a writer. I must not use that generosity as a source of guilt over having debt and needing help.

In the end, it really only takes one post, one article, one well phrase comment, or one reader, editor, or fellow writer to turn the tide and send me into my optimum student loan paying, independent living, sustained income version of myself. And that one single piece is more likely to find its way to the right places if it has been stamped by my own passionate desire to speak, as opposed to being stamped by my desire to convince anyone anywhere to print a piece for me, pay me, and add to my clip collection.

Writing is about sharing ideas. Communicating. Connecting. Educating. Moving. Sometimes even saving and changing. But it is always about us. Those who do the writing. The best writing exists because it has to. And I have not been letting the writing of mine that has to exist lead the way to success. I got caught up in money.And to an extent, in the approval of a nebulous society that has honestly never been ideal for me anyway. (What's the name of the blog??)

The business part of it all isn't over for me. Neither is my hatred of same. Nor is the quality of the products I do produce. My writing is always something in which I take great pride. But for a while, instead of spending hours researching who will pay me to do one of two things I do well, I am going to try to spend those hours researching a new topic that has caught my interest. Or finding sources for an argument I want to make. That way at least I know there will be a result each and every time. The result being a written piece. I can go from there. But the other way had zero guarantees, and I am not prepared to live with that much uncertainty right now.

These inspired writings may not always lead to inspired writing assignments. But they will best showcase my skill, because I will have been committed to them. And though the copy writing job I land may not give me a chance to be an artist, being an artist may give me the chance at the copy writing job.

So begins (again) the long process of being true to my writer self. Yes it will probably be a slower journey than yours. (I'm talking to you, fellow freelance writers that have become instant successes.) But it will be my own road, and I think I have swerved off of that lately.

Applying My Theatre Superpowers While Not On Stage?

Every night last week I drove a half an hour or more to spend 2 or three hours a night in a small room working on a project with people, some of whom had not prepared at all for the event, some of whom tried to take over the entire project, and some of whom would become so nasty at the slightest indication that they would need to compromise that they threw things and yelled at the people in charge. (This behavior coming from someone in their 70's.) Then I'd drive for 30-40 minutes back home every night, sometimes as late as 11:00PM.

Last week came at the end of a five week process during which their were many absences by team members, scheduling conflicts, habitual tardiness, ego driven task driving, and in some cases a total lack of respect for other people.

As of this moment, the end result of the project in many ways has been mediocre, with some semblance of excellence here and there.

The final bit of information regarding all of this? I didn't get paid for any of it.


What I have described is an amateur theatre production of  A Thurber Carnival. More details can be learned by reading my other blog related to acting.

There can be a lot to hate about community theatre. Some of which I have described. Most of which I have no patience to deal with for very long, despite it being rather common in some places and with some actors. I'll admit that the pain to pleasure ratio has slipped slowly towards pain over the last few years in most of my theatrical endeavors. It can become a draining process, with sometimes little reward. And yet I end up doing it anyway.

Why? To begin with, I do it for what it can be. I have been in amazing shows. Rewarding experiences which have forever altered my view of myself, and of performing. Shows that I can promise you have equaled or even surpassed the quality of a professional show you could see any given day. Shows with inspiring, dedicated people, true artists that I would otherwise have not had the chance to meet and befriend. The frequency of such experiences has decreased in my theatre career over the last few years, but I cannot stop looking for the next chance for that to happen.

The fact is, (and I know I will get some flack for saying this), one can be an artist longer, and in more ways in community theatre than one can as a professional. Or in the very least, one has more freedom than an Equity actor would have. Non-Union professional actors have considerably more artistic freedom than unionized actors do, but that is another post for another time. Suffice to say that despite my love for performing, and the very positive feedback I always get on the quality of my performances, I have no motivation to go the, "make it as a professional actor" route at this time. I deal with politics enough as it is...

Yet there is something about acting in the theatre that is connected to what I am. I know this, because like I said, I keep going back to it. Despite the sometimes ultra-high levels of straight up bullshit in theatre, my pain threshold is much higher when I am working on a show. I get pissed at people and their nonsense, don't get me wrong. But when I am in a play, especially one that is going well, I can summon up more energy, find more time, deflect more crap, bear more pain, create more efficiently, and recover from setbacks more rapidly than in any other single endeavor in my life.

In these things acting surpasses even writing for me in terms of input/output ratios, adaptability, productivity, and return on investment. When it goes well, anyway. And even when it does not go well, I still can handle more. If any other endeavor caused as much trouble as theatre can, (especially lately) I would have washed my hands of it long ago. Yet it endures.

It seems clear to me that theatre acting is something for which I am built. (If you need any more proof, consider the fact that I spell it "theatre".) Which to some would indicate that it should be the thing I pursue as a career. Do what you love, and all of that. But as I said, I have no stomach for that. Because then you get into politics. Management. Marketing. Things for which I have almost no stomach in most cases. Yes, I deal with some small aspect of them now, but I would have to marry myself to them to make it as a professional in the conventional way, and I guess despite my passion for the stage, I am Too XYZ to fall in love with such things.

Yet I have been asking myself what I can learn from my nearly ten years as an actor. I know the nuances of it. I continue to build my skills arsenal. I write about it. Most of my friends and network I met through it. I seek greater challenges within it. I have been doing it consistently since the year 2000. 30 shows. Dozens of venues.You know, all of the things the gurus say make you a highly sought after employee??? I mean if I were this deeply entrenched in the world of marketing, or accounting, or journalism, I'd have a full time, high paying job by now. But of course, nothing like that has ever happened. This obvious part of my DNA has never been translated into anything else.

Yet it is more than just a hobby. It's a hobby for some people, or even most people I work with on the stage. But a hobby doesn't give you that kind of strength. Insight. Resilience. Fantasy Football is one of my hobbies. Stage acting is one of my purposes.

But I wonder if there are aspects of it that could also be found elsewhere. Is there something intrinsic in the components of theatre which can also be found in some other field? And if so, would my sometimes superhuman abilities in same translate into the new field? Is there not some sort of career path or paid position that would tap into the same obvious talents I posses? Something that could make me money when I am not on stage, and allow me to enjoy the stage when I am not making money.

This is one reason I have in the last year or so looked around and tried to become involved in arts organizations. One doesn't perform while working for an arts organization, but one does put forth a lot of time and energy into supporting those who do, and educating others about same. I theorized that if I am built for the arts as a performer, some sort of position with organizations that are dedicated to arts and artists would be also benefit from my powers. But I haven't been very successful as of yet, despite Twitter and other such tools. Possibly because one needs a different set of traits to work for an organization than one does to be an artist. Maybe you have to love things like accounting and meetings and such to work well in any type of organization. I don't know.

Either way, I still wonder if these theatrical traits of mine lend themselves to other careers, even outside of the arts. Freelance writing will hopefully take off, and still give me the freedom to pursue whatever I want afterward, but writing can be tiring. It's return is slower. My recovery time from writing a lot is longer. It is a good second place, but to tap the powers I have when in a theatre would change everything. That, at the moment, is one of the goals I have. And one of the main things that makes me what I am, I dare say.

I have mentioned in the past the idea of starting my own non-profit theatre company, based on these same reasons. A company that ran on my own acting principles, and not someone elses. But that isn't a career.

A job doesn't have to make you happy. But one is more likely to be productive, and hence, content with one's job if one is using one's natural talents and engaging in one's desires, right? That way at least work will not prevent one from being happy.

Any ideas on where I might use these superpowers to benefit my non-freelance career?

Coming into the Light: A Shot at Opacity, by Mehnaz Thawer

All my life, I've been invisible to some degree. For those that already know me, you'll know I have a penchant for complete candour, and you can hear my rambunctious ramblings from a mile away. This isn't what I'm talking about.

Much like many introverts, I take a liking to "behind the scenes" types of work. I used to be in a choir and subsequently, a stage manager, a communications manager and all kinds of managerial posts that required that I be behind the scenes. Given that these were supposed to be fun endeavours, it was always a lot of work. When I was thanked on stage - as often is the case when you have a big blow-out-end-of-the-year concert - I would have to come onto the stage, under a spotlight, which would cause me to blush (given my naturally dark skin-tone, you can imagine this might have been quite the feat)!

It's not so much that I didn't want my work recognized, and that I didn't appreciate a thank you here and there; it's just that I worked really hard to appear invisible when I could. Call it a natural aversion to attention or what have you, but I have to say, after a while, it started to get old.

Recently, I spoke to a woman who pointed out that I very much liked being alone, and being recognized meant taking responsibility for myself - something I appear not to be completely comfortable with.

I got to thinking about how this connected to my life. I noticed that I tended to bury myself in work until nobody could really find me. I make excuses for my invisibility (and not strangely, I know a lot of people who do).

While being okay with your invisibility is fine (we're not spotlight-mongers), we tend to miss out on opportunities that really benefit us, when people recognize who we are and what we do.

As lame as it sounds, my concerted effort to walk into the light is going to be by joining something - for fun! It has to be something where I'm not working, where I can use my skills and my language to network, and to be grateful for praise and attention.

If you're anything like me, and spend your life hanging out "behind the scenes", make an effort to do something where you are forced into the light. Might sound like it's on the lighter side of being too XYZ, but you'll be surprised how difficult it is.

At the risk of sounding frivolous, be opaque, so that people don't look through you, so that they remember to recognize you properly for your contributions, your humour, your brief moments of endearing stridency.

What have you done lately to come out into the spotlight?

Mehnaz is a professional writer in Vancouver and the owner of "Speak Softly and Carry a Red Pen".

Announcing "AuGuest"

After about five months of what I would call moderately successful blog posting here at Too XYZ, the time has come for me to allow some guest posts for the very first time. And to kick off that part of this blogs evolution if you will, I will be presenting several guest posts throughout the upcoming month of August. An event that I am calling AuGuest. (Enjoy the quasi-pun while you can; I almost never use them.)

As you can probably deduce, each post and guest poster will share one thing in common at least; that being that they are their writings have struck me as also being Too XYZ. That is to say, the ways they think, work, perceive the world, blog, date, whatever, are (for reasons that can't quite be quantified) a bit removed from the norm. Not congruent with convention. A bit of a square peg. You know, like most of what I post here myself.

Other than that, expect virtually anything from the guest posts. I am not editing them for length, or content. The whole point of Too XYZ and of allowing guest posts on same, is to embrace one's unique voice without conforming or shoehorning it into something else. I have given basically carte blanche to the people I have invited to guest post here in August. I would have it no other way.

Those of you on Brazen Careerist will recognize many of the faces I have invited to write for me this coming month. And while not every single entry this month will be a guest post, I do still have some room for a few more slots. So if you think you too may be Too XYZ about something, (read my previous posts to get an idea of just how that works) and think you might be interested in guest posting here, feel free to contact me at tythewriter@gmx.com, and we'll talk about it.

This is exciting for me, and I hope for regular readers of Too XYZ as well. Let's see where AuGuest leads, shall we?

Don't Sell Your Friends Up the Network River (A Featured Post on Brazen Careerist)

By now regular readers will know I don't do things as most people do them. Much of the advice I get about what I "have to" do in order to be successful just doesn't apply to me.

One of them is networking in the traditional sense. I don't believe in it, as defined by most people today. I don't go to many events for same, and when I do go, I don't behave as most do.

This isn't to say I don't network. In my own slow, subtle, introverted way I meet people and make friends. Furthermore I do try to help people around me when I can. It just so happens that many of the people I encounter can't really be helped by those people in my network at this time.

Yet there are still occasions that would allow me to refer someone to either one of my contacts or even one of my friends. This has happened. But just as often, (if not more often) I have refused to acknowledge that I know people who could be of use to someone's efforts.

I realize this is networking heresy. Most would say that you should try to help anyone you encounter. If you think a referral could do so, you should make it, they say. Then both you and your friend now know more people. Basic Network Building 101.

Yet to me, we shouldn't try to help just any old person with whom we come into contact, even if they ask for it. The few network connections I have made are important commodities. Even more so when those connections are my friends. So I am not about to refer new people to someone I know in their field without a rather rigorous vetting process.

Whether it be a friend, or just a networking acquaintance, nobody wants to be saddled with dealing with a random goon that may or may not know what they want. Or somebody who ends up just trying to sell a used car, (literally and figuratively.) Nobody appreciates having their time wasted by someone who is neither an interesting person in private, or a particularly productive person in the professional realm.

When I make my infrequent personal references, I want to make sure that the person seeking help or advice meets several criteria. Even if they have not asked for particular help, if I happen to encounter someone in obvious need with a great idea, I might suggest they talk to some people I know, if I have determined that...

--They are trustworthy and discreet.

--The help they seek is genuine, and difficult to obtain without my connection.

--They are working hard to accomplish their goal.

--They are going to be grateful not just for my friend's help, but for the fact that I made the reference in the first place.

--Their idea or plan is realistic but worthy of a chance to succeed. 

When you think about it, doing this is just a matter of respect to your network connections. Sure it is easy to score superficial points in the "Network Game" by  running into someone with a need and instantly shoving them down the conveyor belt of your network, referral in hand. You give the illusion of being a mover and shaker for a while. You get to strut around and vomit forth the most overused and undereffective lines in all of networking history..."It's not what you know, it's who you know!"

But in the long run, if the people you keep pushing on your friends and colleagues end up being useless, or even counter-productive, what does that say about the amount of respect you have for said friends and colleagues? It says that you value them insofar as they are a cog in your half-assed network machine. Not as people whose time is valuable.

I have a perfect example to illustrate my point.

I count among my friends a college professor or two. Professors tend to know other professors, of course, as well as other influential types in various aspects of their field. The potential for networking is high. And one such friend of mine (Let's call him Dr. K.) has experienced first hand how certain people love to just feed on some of his connections.

There is a guy that Dr. K and I both know, who we thankfully have not seen in years. A fruitloop, and that is putting it politely. We'll call this guy Norman. Norman truly believes in his mind that he can cure cancer. (No medical background.) And that he is on the verge of coming up with the Unified Theory of Physics. (No background in physics.) By his own admission he almost never reads, except maybe comic books. (Which makes his aspirations to be a social relevant novelist even more baffling.) At best the man is comical. At worst he is certifiable, if you catch me.

Norman constantly approaches Dr. K in hopes of getting introduced to some of my friend's professorial colleagues at the university. My friend is of course smart enough to know better. Yet imagine if through Dr. K's connections and access, Norman would up with an appointment with a biology or physics professor to discuss his wing-nut "theories".

In jest, I actually asked Dr. K once what the consequences would be if he opened those doors to Norman. His answer was that he would be probably be denied tenure forever. I don't think he was joking, either.

Granted, Norman is an extreme example. (Though he is very much real.) Yet the lesson of networking with someone like Norman applies to everyone; don't burden your friends and colleagues with fools, slackers, and hangers-on just for the sake of saying you "helped" someone. Don't open doors for people just to say you have opened doors. Get to know someone and their work. Asks questions. And certainly ask your friends if they think the new contact is worth meeting before you ever tell the new contact about your friend.

The unworthy are still going to get through once in a while. Nobody can help that and nobody will hold that against you should it happen sometimes. But if every other person sent to you by John Doe ends up being obnoxious, maybe it's time to cut Mr. Doe and the poor product he is peddling right out of your circle.

How do you determine if someone you meet is worthy of being referred to your network connections? Has someone like Norman ever approached you as a result of a colleagues reference?

My Brazen Careerist "Rock Your Career" Video

I wanted to let everyone know that I, and several other Brazen Careerist users have created 30 second videos for YouTube. Mine just went live today.

It is part of a series of videos called "Rock Your Career", and as you might imagine, the purpose of the videos is for Brazen Careerist users to offer advice as to how to improve one's career. My video pertains to accepting help, but there are many other videos in that playlist, so make sure that once you watch mine, you watch them all.

And if you yourself are not a member of Brazen Careerist, sign up for free today. (Everything about it is also free, in case you were wondering.)

It's All About Your OWN Blood, Sweat, and Tears...Not THEIRS

Recently, Brazen Careerist featured a blog post by one Jun Loayza. In brief, he talks about embracing one's DNA. In other words, not forcing yourself to be something you are not. To make the best uses of whatever your personal traits are in order to succeed in all aspects of life. Because this view is very much in line with the premise of Too XYZ, I suggest you give this post a read. Here it is.

On top of Mr. Loayza's point, I would add that we need to measure our level of "hard work", and that of others, according to similar metrics.

In other words nobody likes a lazy person. We all are rightly expected to in general put some effort into our lives. But sometimes in this society we tend to measure that effort in terms of direct productivity as defined by the ingrained, (and in my view, destructive) Protestant Work Ethic. Too often we ignore the intangible work, the unseen internal efforts that are a part of the daily lives of many people, as well as ourselves.

Explore an example with me.

Let's say someone has started a new blog. A working mother of 3 school aged kids. Obviously they take up a lot of her time in the evening, and work takes up all of her day. But she is committed to having a regularly updated blog, with a post every other day. So on those days she gets up two hours early, say around 4AM. The family is still asleep. She hates being awake too, but it's her only time to be alone with her thoughts.
So she struggles to be awake that early. She checks her notes. Thinks very hard about that morning's post, and with an obvious struggle to complete every single sentence of that post, and after meticulously proofreading it twice, she clicks "Submit" just as the call of her youngest asking for breakfast reaches her ears at 6AM.

Our mom figure is obviously a bit more tired at the end of that day than other days.

She's not on Twitter. She hasn't joined Brazen Careerist. Knows little about advertising or marketing or networking. Barely has enough energy to write the post. A post which in and of itself was what some may call of average quality, but with a certain witty, down to earth charm. Analytics, (if she ever used them or even knew what they were) would tell her that 2 people in the world read the post with which she struggled so much this morning, and one of them was probably her sister down town.

A check of her subscribers shows that same sister, one random guy without a photo, and her best friend, who never checks the blog anyway. This mother therefore has ZERO so called "social proof", and even if some professional guru by chance stumbled across her blog, they would say, "well if only three people subscribed she must be a lazy, thoughtless writer. Who cares about wasting my time on this trash?"

And they would click off, not even bothering to see if she had anything of interest to say. Certainly leaving no comments. As few people ever do on our mom's blog.

But because she either doesn't want to know all of this, or can't know all of this because social media is beyond her, our mom 2 days later is up once again at 4AM to do it all over again. And she does so because she is committed to becoming a blogger and improving her writing.

According to the majority of metrics out there to measure success, this woman is a total failure as a blogger. Where are the tie ins? What SEO person has she hired? Why are there not Twitter feeds mentioning her latest post? Who is she linking to? More importantly who ever linked to her? How many comments does she have? How many subscribers? She needs a serious graphic designer at 100 bucks an hour to clean up this mess of a website. She doesn't even own her own domain name. Lazy and uninspired woman.

Whereas I see someone who is pushing their personality, their very nature to the limits, in order to do something she believes in. She isn't trying to be something she is not. She is simply going the extra mile with what she has in order to improve something about herself. She has put forth a great deal of energy, her own personal type of energy, to do what she does. This is hard for her to do. But she does it anyway, and in this she is a hard working writer and blogger. A blogger as much as anybody else is. More so even then some more "successful" ones.

I try to measure my own work ethic by these standards. I go and do things that are just barely part of my make up. Things that are a struggle for me, even if they are easy for others. I don't do all of what many contemporaries say I should do as a writer, a blogger, an actor, because that would be trying to become something I am not. But some of the things I can do, I often sweat over. Become drained by. Sometimes I am even afraid of them. But I do them. And while that results based Protestant Work Ethic would look at the overall tangible results of my last year and say, "lazy failure", I know that I am actually putting forth a great deal of effort that is unique to me in order to go where I want to go. It's not easy to ignore the societal definition of hard work, but I must try to do so. We all must try to do so. Do you?

College? Epic Fail.

I have been exchanging messages recently on Brazen Careerist with Demetra Allen. (Find her website here.) We were both part of a thread about how going to college has helped everyone leverage their talents, and get to where they are today.

When I answered that it had not in any way helped me at all, she became very curious, because she had not encountered many people who responded in such a manner about their college education. She asked me if I might be willing to expound upon the issue. Not being able to do so within the character limits of a Brazen Careerist post, I opted to post a blog entry about it.

Yet where to start? When something fails to live up to so many expectations, and is so far off of the success curve of so many other people, it can become almost impossible to pinpoint all of the exact reasons. But I will make an effort to illustrate some of them through the use of broad categories. This isn't a thesis or a study, so the categories are informal. This is just me sharing some observations and thoughts with you, as always.

To begin with, let's talk about the degree itself. 

The bachelor's degree in this country as a whole has been quite devalued over the last 30 years. I knew going into college I would never be able to walk up to my dream job, wave a diploma at them, get hired, and become rich and powerful. I was wise enough to avoid that delusion.

Yet I wasn't wise enough to realize that all of the time, expense, and work to get a degree might not ever open any doors. And it certainly did not for me. I thought that it would at least get my foot in the door of a mail room somewhere. Maybe a small cubicle on the first floor of someplace. Or at least get me some interviews.

I was given no full time job in 5 years of looking, and was granted only three interviews.

Having gone to a career counselor here and there, I was advised more than once to "hide the college experience." That when employers in my area see it they assume I am going to want more money than they can pay, and assume that my liberal arts background would make me restless and unwilling to sit down and do "real work".

As the years passed, the same advice was given because, "employers are going to wonder why someone with a degree has never been able to get a full time job."

So at first college was a drawback because I looked too smart. Later it was a drawback because I looked not smart enough. Same diploma.

Then of course many jobs advertise a need for people with a diploma. A diploma I did not have. A job I know I was perfectly capable of doing, but for which I was not qualified because I majored in the wrong thing. College graduation is not a reward in and of itself anymore.

So one reason college was a waste of time and money was the empty degree.

Another failure was the weak network.

I made friends in college. You almost have to. But that is just what they are. Friends. I don't want to get into a discussion of shallow friends and personal betrayals, but let's just say my friend pool from college was thinner than most. Even when friends bothered at all to keep in contact with me after college, they had no connections to any industry for which I would be qualified. Or they were going through similar post-collegiate employment difficulties. Or they all lived so far away that any connection they would have would prove to be of little use to me. Even if someone knows a guy who knows a guy in Oregon, what good would that do me in Maryland? Especially given that I had never made enough money to even think about moving to another state?

The career center at my college was not much more helpful. I went there once or twice before realizing they were not telling me anything I didn't already know. They would ask to see my resume, and advise ways to punch it up. They would offer, (though I declined) to give me a mock job interview and critique it. They would suggest things like, "Hmm, maybe if you look in the phone book under your interests and start making cold calls..."

Thanks! As obvious a tactic as that was, it was never going to happen. In other words, they had no personal connections to share with me. Half the point of a career center is to connect you with people that work with the college, or alumni of the same. But the only time the career center really had any thing to offer in that department was if you were looking for the corporate life. The business majors, or the PR people. Those looking to get into computer tech and that sort of thing. Want to get involved in community non-profits?

"Well, we don't really have anything like that at this time..."

Then there were the wonderful, life changing internships everybody always talks about. Lord how people love their internships. How they put them on the right path, and all that song and dance.

Not so much with mine.

It was a requirement for all political science students to have an internship. I figured I would go to my adviser, see the list of places with whom the college had relationships that led to previous internships before, and pick one that fit my style.

They basically had none. No relationships with businesses in town. My professor didn't know anybody. There was literally no sense of the college having established ANY community ties for internships. Nobody my professor could introduce me to. It really felt as though the department had never helped establish an internship before. It was as though students had always been 100% on their own in finding a connection and building an internship. I didn't know how to do that. I came to college because I didn't know how to do everything, after all.

It took over a year. A YEAR of looking for internships, with several falling through in my own home town during the summer. ("We really don't have anything an intern could learn here. We're such a small town.") Finally, I went with one of the few connections the college did have, which opened up locally near campus. An internship with the local Congressman's office.

This sounded exciting. Meet a Congressman maybe. Help people. Maybe get to go to some speeches.

The internship consisted of my sitting at a desk and cutting out newspaper articles that contained certain keywords. I would then fax them to another office where they would do all the interesting stuff with them. I would just cut and fax.

Halfway through the internship, the woman that ran the office started leaving early, letting me lock the place up. Most of the time I interned, I sat alone in an office, cutting newspaper. Never even met the Congressman.

Believe it or not, this didn't open any doors for me either. I didn't even bother leaving it on my resume for any more than two years after I graduated. What would be the point? Do you know how embarrassing it is to try to spin that into something worthwhile to a potential employer? I wasn't even buying it myself.

Alumni Association? There is one for my alma mater. But like the career center it caters to certain types of students. And they, like anybody else, want a proven track record and long resume before they will even touch you. It helps if you already know somebody important that you can leverage within the Alumni community, too. In other words, useless for someone like me.

Plus, as I mentioned in a previous post, no professor took any active interest in me. So I lacked the advantage of having a professor for a friend.

So college didn't exactly grow my network.

College is also not personal enough.

There are a lot of colleges out there, and I can't of course speak for every one of them. But based on what I have read, and what I have experienced myself, not enough of them are tailored to the specific needs of individual students. Yes, I know that is a favorite bit of copy included in virtually all advertisements put out by all colleges ("tailored to the individual student's needs") but in practice, nothing is tailored. Colleges of any size tend to subscribe to cookie cutter mentalities. They have declared, within their insulated sphere what an education is, and those who wish to stay on campus must conform to same. My college certainly did, and it was a disservice to me. I graduated, and did so with good grades, but only because it was the only game in town. That was the system. I bucked it a few times, and predictably only managed to piss off well ensconced and out of touch professors in the process. That "outside the box" thinking they were famous for was never to be applied to the college itself.

A truly personalized experience would allow any given student to form their own approach to what they want to do with their lives, and remain flexible as those goals change. Not free reign to be willy-nilly, but the freedom of a self exploratory education. With faculty that is focused on helping students find who and what they are, not digest the next exam's answers, promptly to be forgotten during spring break.

My college didn't make things personal in this manner, and I have realized, in the years since, that despite my dedication to my education, I didn't belong, and was not served by the standard educational model I just described.

That lack of a personal approach sort of dovetails into the final category. College failed to teach me how it really works.

Again, I wasn't naive, but I was caught off guard by how different jobs, job hunting, and leveraging my degree, (not to mention student loans and debt) worked after college, as opposed to how they appeared to work while there. Most colleges, not just mine, offer no training for what to do after college. There are no mandatory classes about networking, or job hunting, or debt control, or how to handle your loans. Being a business themselves, they avoid telling you how it really works, and instead let credit card companies harass you outside of the lunch line. (I didn't get one!) They have career centers that tell you what you already know, but nothing you WILL need to know. They laud heaps of praise on the importance of getting an education, and the prestige of getting it with them, but don't explain that such an advantage truly died off in the 1960's.


In other words, they are not preparing you for life. They are isolating you from it for four years. And while I knew that for the loftiest, prettiest claims this was true, I didn't realize it was true even for the most modest, every day, run of the mill claims, such as, "this will be useful to you when you get out there." It wasn't.

I could go on, but I really think the point is made. And I think that any other reasons I could think of pertaining to college's failure would basically fall within the four meta categories I laid out here; the weakness of a degree, a failure to make it personal, the lack of a built in network, and the failure to prepare students for any real life experiences.

Many people will suggest that really all it takes is the right attitude, and hard work to succeed, and that college is what you make of it. That may be true for some people at some colleges. And while I confess I may not have had the highest fire under my ass all the time in college, I will not succumb to the notion that the reason it did nothing for me was because I didn't want it enough. The fact of the matter is that college, as advertised and explained in this country today, is supposedly the place to go to become prepared to go out and do those things. It is the place where that fire is supposed to be set, not the place where you have to already be on fire from the get go in order to succeed on campus.

College isn't what it used to be. People like me need a place where we can be educated in ways that both suit us, and prepare us for what's ahead. We don't care about school spirit, the proximity to historical landmarks, or the famous people that went to this school before us. We care about learning. Learning in a way that will make it worth the time, money and energy in the end. Getting an education that will actually guide us towards success. Not education for the sake of having gone to college.

I don't know if any college really acts like that anymore, but that is what I needed, and did not get. And if nobody gets that from college anymore, the perception we have in this country of what college is should at least adapt to it's reality, so those who can be helped by it can go, and those who are Too XYZ can go elsewhere.

There is No "Me" in "Mentor". No, Wait...

Jamie Nacht Farrell is one of the (mostly) like-minded people that I have thankfully encountered in my social media forays of the last year. She has her own blog, which you can find here. If you like some of what I have said here at Too XYZ, I think you will find common ground with her writings as well. Do check it out, and tell her I sent you.

Most of my contact with her has taken place on Brazen Careerist, where many of her blog posts have been selected as features. Rightfully so. Recently she started a thread over there in which I have become involved in a very specific way. I'd like to share some of that, and expound upon same with you here.

Jamie started a thread thus;

"I strongly believe it is clear that what society is missing are STRONG MENTORS in the more experienced generation; as well as companies not realizing how important mentorship is and making it a priority. What are your thoughts here?"

My personal response to this was as follows;

"I never had one, and I have suffered because of it...And outside of work, mentors can also play a huge role in shaping one's life. I didn't have any outside of work either, and believe me, it made everything harder."

As depressing as it is true. Jamie responded to my statement with this;

I happen to think you're one of the coolest people on this site (not joking) because you believe in what you say; you say what you believe; and you don't give a shit what other people think.

I was (and am sometimes) exactly like that and I still like people that are like me. That said, the first thing I was told by my first mentor (I was lucky - I was only 22 at the time) was, "You're brilliant and you're ambitious. But you're so opinionated and you've got a big F-ing mouth. If you can shut your mouth and learn to be open minded, I'll turn you into one of the biggest success stories in our industry". Obviously, my first reaction was to say "F U", but you didn't say that to this guy...so I said "ok" and I tried to (what I call) "be more corporate". I hated it and I still do ( ; but that said, he was right. I learned to hone down my 'mouth' and while I still had opinions, learned to present them differently, at the right times, etc... if you truly want to find 'the best' to mentor you, you've got to 'take a step back' and reassess the reasons why you don't have a mentor.


Believe me, I have spent a great deal of time assessing that very thing. And while Jamie made some legitimate overall points, I am not sure all of them apply to me directly. Online I am sure I appear that certain way, and in fact what I do online is truthful. But it is only one aspect of myself. 

There is also the taciturn type. The leader by example, (when applicable.) The soft speaker that carries a big stick, and such. I am that guy as well, and as I told Jamie later in the post, I have been overlooked, or judged "unworthy of time and effort" just as often for keeping quiet over the years, as I have been for offering opinions and criticism. It has been a sort of lose/lose for me in the mentor department. And while any given moment Jamie's observations could apply to me, the breadth, consistency, and duration of my "Mentor Repellent" history makes me believe there is something more to it than that.

And what is that? I haven't even the slightest clue. But I write about it here, because Too XYZ is not just about advice or observations. Sometimes it is about the unanswered questions in my life. The unsolvable riddles that would seem to keep me out of or away from what many folks find so easy to jump right into. That's where the whole Too XYZ motif comes from, after all. 

So then, am I just Too XYZ for mentors? Is there something about me that makes me untrainable? Is there really no room under anybody's wing for me? My whole history would sometimes appear to suggest so. And while I admit I have not gone around asking, "Could you mentor me," to every interesting person I have encountered, I have to conclude that just as many people with mentors have refrained from this approach as have adopted it.


But back to me.

Middle school teachers spent far more time polishing the "raw" talent of the more obnoxious children, (after telling them they had a detention.) High school teachers, when they said anything at all, would actually say things to me like, "what you need is a really strong guiding force for that wonderful intellect of yours. You need to be an apprentice to a great master who cares."

But of course they didn't do so themselves. Probably because a lot of them were threatened by all of the questions I asked that they felt inadequate to answer. More than one source has since agreed with that possibility.

College was the same. I never had a friendly relationship with any of my professors. Not that I fought with them either, (except in one case) but I always marveled at how some students would end up going out to dinner with their professors or advisors, or sitting with them at the bars, or get phone calls from them "just to check up", when half the time I couldn't even get a professor to return a voice mail.

But it isn't just the academic world. There is theatre. I am often looked to, but nobody really has a whole lot of advice for me, other than "you're doing it wrong." (Which isn't advice at all.) Same with my writing endeavors.

And the social emptiness of having everyone who could have played some kind of role in my development as a child and young adult vanish into thin air the moment my father died, (I was 7) never really to be heard from again. As though stepping up and offering guidance to a fatherless child could somehow contaminate their own life expectancy. Whatever the reasons, the possible "social mentors" even with my own family, (all of my aunts and uncles, certainly my one and only brother, and a few adult sisters) took a hands off approach to me, and for the most part still do. Anything from the changing of tires to the baiting of a fishing hook lie not within my realm of knowledge until, in some way, I taught myself, usually well into adulthood. (Mentoring, of a kind also covers those type of things, you know.)

I was even in the Big Brothers program for a few years as a pre-teen. My mother thought it may fill the place that my actual brother had abdicated. My "big brother" was a nice guy, but no mentor, as he would often remind me there was "little point" in laughing too loudly outside, while spending most of our sessions watching movies at his apartment, or going to McDonald's. I already knew how to do those things.

I think you get the picture. I have been so many places, and told I have so much promise and potential, and as a result have had many ideas that I think were great, but I lacked the network and/or mentors to help smooth out the edges. To help me focus my obvious talents and ambition. 

And as I result, I did, (and in some cases still do) flounder in the creek with no paddles. So much potential wasted because so few ever took a constructive interest in me.


In the last years I have begun to carve the path for myself, and have succeeded in various ways. But just as I think I would have benefited greatly from a mentor years ago in my so call "formative years", I believe that now I could make great use of the right one moving forward on my new course of the last four years or so.


But the silence in response is the same as ever. It is part of the reason I am a freelancer, (and hoping to become one full time in the future.) But I know it will take me longer than most, because I will be doing it all once again without any advice or personal guidance from anyone. .


Or will I?


Later in that same thread Jamie explored the idea that "mentoring" is sometimes poorly served by the image the word conjures up. I paraphrase here, but she mentioned that it often makes one think of an older, wiser, more successful father figure, who graces one with the pointing of his finger, and bestows upon same all of the secret knowledge that led to their own success. She goes on to say that these days, mentors can be any age, be struggling themselves in some ways, and don't have to be as mystical as we have traditionally made them to be. One can even be "mentored" by various different people. That social media, meet-ups, Twitter, and whatever can lead us to a sort of "team" of mentors, who can help us as we need it, instead of bringing us up in their own image.


I can buy that, and perhaps I  have made some use of this more loosely defined and fluid mentorship. As I try to expand my business in the coming years, I hope to gain something from all of that expertise floating around out there in cyberspace. (With the proviso that their advice is tailored to me, based on trying to understand my needs as opposed to just issuing that canned advice to everyone.)


Yet I admit that in the past I would have, (and perhaps even now might still) found great satisfaction and direction from the traditional mentor set up, at least for a while. If someone successful in the ways I want to be successful would deem me personally worthy of tutelage, and beckon me with that finger just once, to guide me to greatness, (so that I wouldn't always have to be carving every single path all by myself), I think some void would be filled within me.

However, until then, the digging with the single shovel goes on. And I won't let whatever everyone's problem is with mentoring me derail me in the future as much as it did in the past.


I'm Too XYZ to let that happen.