Our Mental Tornadoes and Positive Thinking

For several hours this morning my county was hit with a rolling collection of severe storms, each of which had pretty good potential to produce a tornado. (And a few of them did.) That means we were under a "tornado warning" (one is imminent or been spotted) from 4:30AM until about 10:00AM. Nothing as bad as the one that hit Alabama over the last few days, but nonetheless we were all encouraged to seek shelter, or to at least be ready to do so on a moment's notice if we were in the path of this seemingly endless line of storms.

Meteorologists can at best predict when conditions will be favorable for tornadoes, but unless a funnel has actually touched down, they cannot ever be sure one will exist. And even once there is a funnel, there is little predictability to what the hell it is going to do. I hate the unpredictability of such storms.

It got me thinking that I hate unpredictability in obstacles in general. Nothing I go through mentally is as dangerous as people having to face a tornado of course, but the whole thing brought to mind something I have felt for a while. And that is how often career or personal success advice tends to ignore, or dismiss the unpredictable and the unstoppable.

When there is a tornado warning in your area, the first thing the authorities advise you to do is to take shelter. Do not drive, do not try to out run it, and do not stop to take picture or video of a fully formed funnel. Get to a basement or ditch or something and hit the dirt. In essence, the advice is to keep still, and wait (hope) for it to pass you by. And though you won't hear the people on the Weather Channel put it in this fashion, what they are all basically saying is, "You can't do a damn thing about it, so don't be a fool and act like you can."

We have tornado watches and tornado warnings mentally as well. Things that we know are on the horizon, or fear may be destructive, that we are powerless to stop, out run, or in some cases even define. We just know that the conditions in our lives are right for a specific problem. Or that the problem, like a night tornado, is out there somewhere, unseen, but tearing its way towards us. We can do nothing about it. Yet many people try to act as though we can.

Over selling the notion of "positive thinking", optimism, getting up in the morning ready to "tackle any problem" has long frustrated or even angered many a pessimist or realist. Because while the notion of being more upbeat and viewing our situations in a more positive light is certainly appealing and productive, we can't help but heed the tornado warning. Many positive thinking gurus out there tend to think that being optimistic entails defying the storm. In reality, in some cases optimism is simply being able and willing to jump into a ditch and hang on until it's all over. The potential risk is not worth the possible reward for the realist.

I don't doubt many out there will object to my conflation of weather to mental or spiritual obstacles. Yet why? If the issue is an unpredictable and virtually non-trackable obstacle that stands in our way of success, one that moves and pivots seemingly at random and cuts in front of us no matter what we do, is a tornado not a fair metaphor? We is it so hard to believe that we can be trapped, paralyzed, or otherwise cornered by unpredictable and wily intangibles just as much as by a funnel cloud?

There are, in other words, things that we cannot explain, nor control that hold us back. And sometimes they hold us back so much that the best we can do is remain still. Sure a few foolish "heroes" will go out with their camera and their pick up trucks, follow the twister, and nearly get killed or maimed snapping the next shot that will feature on television. But in the end you have to wonder if such people are doing it in order to make themselves or people around them safer, or just so they can say, "hey tornado, I lived, so fuck you," and wait for the applause.

Pessimists are not the way they are because they think it is funny. They have their reasons. Yes it can be over done, and if you are jumping into a ditch in the middle of a sunny day, you probably need to chill. But the reasons for being a pessimist are usually valid on some level. Maybe they are not your reasons, and maybe you, as an eternal optimist have no storm activity you need to worry about with your clear skies and light breezes, but that doesn't mean there are not indications of funnel cloud activity in the lives of others.

But maybe, just maybe you are actually standing out at midnight in the middle of a field totally oblivious to any tornado warnings that have been issued, because you woke up this morning convinced that you can conquer anything. Maybe you need a realist to wake you up and say, "You dumb ass, go find a basement before you get killed."

My positive thinking has never stopped a storm beyond my control. Has yours? Photo courtesy of the NSSL.

Go for the...Something

The Vancouver Winter Olympic Games are in full swing, and despite the really lousy American television coverage, (courtesy of NBC), several great moments have already been noted. Undoubtedly there will be more to come in the next two weeks. Probably because the spirit of the Olympics has not quite vanished from view yet.

You hear the stories every Olympics. There are the favorites and the powerhouses. There are the most touching personal interest stories. There are the ones who are not expected to medal in anything, and of course don't, but attain personal bests.

And every once in a while we are blessed with witnessing those who were not expected to do anything, but come from no where and win a medal. Even gold.

One thing is true for all Olympians; they have very specific goals. The push their bodies passed what we could ever imagine, and focus their minds to such an extent that you can almost see them thinking. All in pursuit of whatever their goal is. Gold, or just finishing while standing up.

I envy those who go to the Olympics for many reasons. But perhaps the biggest one is the goals. Nothing about being an Olympian is easy, I would gather, except for the setting of the goal.

Cross the finish line first. Record a specific speed. Have more points than the other team before the clock runs out. Each event has it's own specific goal that is required for victory. And each individual athlete chooses their personal goals from within that framework. One done, all of that body breaking mind bending work can be focused upon something. And the sharper the focus and the harder the training, the more likely we are to see amazing things from them. (medals or otherwise.)

Many times, our goals are not as easily defined. We have to define them ourselves. And for people who are Too XYZ, that is sometimes the greatest challenge.

I know it has been for me. As a freelance writer, my overall, meta-goal if you will is to secure opportunities to be paid for me writing, build a portfolio of said writings, and make the world aware of my abilities.

Broad, I know. And not exactly something I can tape to the wall of a training room and work towards everyday.

I need more specific goals that are smaller, and that is where my problems lie. Something that can be obtained, say this month, or this summer. Sometimes any given single day. Something tangible that is not so nebulous as to remain a dream for too long, but also not so mundane that I can accidentally attain it without effort.

I have improved in this very crucial skill of small/medium size goal setting. Somewhat. But given the nature of my (current) business, I can't really set too many business goals. So that leaves more personal goals.

How do you set goals? Anyone have any stories or advice as to how the smaller, touch stone goals are set in our lives when we are Too XYZ to be mega planners?

And to slow for speed skating...

Share your thoughts with me, readers.

Band-Aids

“It will work for a while,” goes the old cliché’, “but it’s just a band-aid.”

So? We need to embrace band-aids, not avoid them.

I agree of course that some problems are so serious that very particular steps must be taken to fix them. But the problem with the whole “it’s just a band aid” warning is that it overlooks something.

For the right things, band-aids work. And they work just fine.

One problem I think people that are Too XYZ have is that they reach a point, (as I often do) where they feel that they must organically fix, alter or “heal” all of the weird stuff about themselves. And that until they can make a quirk or deficiency go totally away, they are somehow less mature. They say to themselves;

“Because most people like the bar scene, and get most of their relationships or sex from there, I need to find a way to also be comfortable with the bar scene." "I like to read, but only cheap romance novels. It will best serve my intellectual reputation if I find a way to enjoy the classics." "I need to find a way to write a better resume for myself, because I just can't seem to get it right."

Those would be the three complicated or stressful solutions to these situations. But all three also have band-aid options.

One could meet people online. Read the Study Notes or abridged versions of the classics. If you have the money pay somebody to write a resume for you and be done with it.

Ask yourself if the fundamental problem you are trying to solve is really going to have far reaching consequences to your conscience or your safety. If it isn’t, forget the rebuilding process. Stick a band-aid on there. Take the short cut. Few will care. And if they do care, and start to preach “The Band-aid” sermon to you, tell them you would prefer to spend your energies on improving things you can control. Such as avoiding negative people. Then walk away.

I am a prime example of this. I am a terrible navigator. Part of it comes from not having a lot of driving experience when I was younger. Part of it is just me. As a result, I went to fewer places then most of my friends because I was scared of getting lost. (I didn’t have a cell phone in my youth.) Job and social potential decreased, and so on with the rest of those dominoes.

For a while, I had it in my head that I had to learn to be a better navigator. Study maps. Take practice runs to complicated places. Train myself, despite the stress levels and damage to my spirit, to be able to drive anywhere.

Then, I borrowed a GPS device for the first time and everything changed. I could suddenly go anywhere, with almost no stress to my system.

GPS is a band-aid, and I know it. But I don't care. I’m still a lousy navigator. But when I got my own GPS that problem ceased to matter. Band-aid. I would much rather slap a band aid on a problem like this, and know I can move on, (literally), then go nowhere until I beat those skills into my head. I can now drive anywhere I want to, without fear, just by pushing a few buttons.

What are your minor problems? What short cut band-aids can you use to solve them?