I have not been totally absent from the internet in the last 5 days. I have, however, been more selective in my use of same during that time.
I would never claim to be as prolific in my use of social media as some of you are. (Particularly those of you I have met recently.) Yet, since the start of 2010 I have been actively engaging in it at a fairly regular, sometimes constant pace. It is certain my pace this year has far surpassed my pace of previous years. Two blogs, an active presence on Brazen Careerist, and my entrance into the world of Twitter a few months ago.
Not to mention the regular, nearly daily visitations to each of the blogs of my new associates, and crafting comments to leave on same. Plus reading of articles, sharing links, research, "conversations", replies, emails. Everything that is done in order to be deemed in good standing in the alleged "social media community." I have, put another way, been doing quite the bit of networking. (The supposed lifeblood of everything these days.)
I realize that the level to which I have engaged in all of this behavior represents but a drop in the comprehensive ocean of social media networking and knowledge sharing that some of you take upon yourselves to complete. I don't even use Foursquare, Tumbler or YouTube. (Though I have some silly old videos up on Youtube.) I have no intention to start doing so in the near future either.
The biggest reason is, I am tired. Mentally so very tired of late of what all of this requires sometimes. I am in many ways Too XYZ for some of it, as this blog hath often showed. I'll never do as much as some of you, and I'm okay with it. But lately even the pace I had been keeping has been draining. I think there are several reasons for this in the last week.
To begin with, much of my mental energy has been diverted to "Heaven Can Wait", the play I am in which opens in 4 days. (Read more here.) I also have an interview weighing on my mind coming up on Tuesday, and some research I have to get to.
But I must confess that the biggest reason for the recent falling back on my social media updating is that I am still uncertain as to what return on the investment I am getting. I have met many of you, and talked to you in more than one platform, and I am grateful for that. I am also grateful for the comments left here on Too XYZ, and for being selected a top user on Brazen Careerist, (where recently I topped 100 fans.) But I am just not yet certain where all of it is going right now.
Very few of my fans on Brazen respond to any direct messages I send them in hopes of engaging in mutual topics. Several, (but certainly not all) of the blogs I visit don't seem to acknowledge the comments that I or others make. The hot bed for "conversation", Twitter, has yet to yield me lasting public conversations of true substance. Yes, I have made several wonderful new acquaintances and friends on Twitter, which by itself is worth the price of admission, I suppose. But I'm not yet getting that sense of intellectual exploration among people that I had hoped for at the start of my adventure.
Some of this, I am sure, is that I have not been able to precisely define a solid metric by which to define my success with social media. And I already hear some of you out there saying I have to keep doing it. I know this, which is why I am not quitting my social media experience. But I choose not to hide the fact that I am struggling with it a bit of late.
Some of it is my choices, I am sure. Some of it is circumstances, (and for those of you who insist no circumstances are beyond our control, please save it for now, I don't have the strength to explain why you are wrong once again). A lot of it I am sure is timing. But even if it cane be corrected, and even if it is temporary, a person becomes drained quickly when they put so much into something and get less back out of it. Particularly when what they put in requires summoning up the kind of strength and stamina that my personality requires. I'm not giving it all up, but I am just not certain I am making end roads yet.
So my apologies to "Tweeps" and blog subscribers, and the Brazen Fans. It's not that I don't appreciate your writings. I'm not ignoring your tweets, and I really do value the opinions shared by some of you. I desire to support you mission as much as I ever did. But I am feeling distant for now. I'm fighting my way back to being present. Not because I owe anybody anything, but because I'm not ready to give up on it just yet.
Questions, advice, concerns, pep talks, etc are more than welcome. Otherwise, I will see all of you when I am back in the game again.