tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-637372924851105604.post2300994584459023237..comments2023-08-29T12:58:53.386-04:00Comments on Too XYZ (Archives): And Ty Unglebower, as HimselfTy Unglebowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06836504600859993438noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-637372924851105604.post-17810848315655698642011-11-29T14:44:57.386-05:002011-11-29T14:44:57.386-05:00You are absolutely right: Nobody should have to su...You are absolutely right: Nobody should have to succumb to a role. It should be a choice, not something you feel guilt tripped or forced or shuffled into, whether by yourself, friends or strangers. And we're hardest on ourselves. Long after the person attributing a label to you has left, we remember. It's like it gets into our DNA.<br /><br />I think I fall into the "Observer" role a lot. Generally speaking, I'm more comfortable taking in a scene for a few minutes on the periphery, listening and filing away perceptions before jumping in the middle. This can happen in any setting, large or small, and may well be related to shyness or introversion.<br /><br />By contrast, I watch mega-extroverted friends just bounce right in as if propelled by an elemental force, coming in elbows-out and yelling, sparkling, shining, drawing all the attention. The sun to my moon! *hand to forehead alas*<br /><br />Whereas I, even recognizing that a good measure of this shyness is a crutch and a choice, still sometimes have to give myself an inner push to walk into a room full of people AND make eye contact off the bat. What if they're looking back at me? Eek! It may sound silly, but I developed a hyper-awareness of eyeballs at a young age and never quite shook it off. In an instant, I can go right back to that state of mind even though rationally I know I can get over it (or through it).<br /><br />I do think knowing that relates to why I've also adopted the term "Gamma Wolf." Following the Alpha and Beta schematic, Gamma Wolves lope around the outside of the pack, off doing their own thing, aware of what's going on but not always having to be involved. Like the Alpha, they can step in and take charge, but unlike the Alpha, it's not imperative. I've seen more than a few puzzled Alphas when a Gamma suddenly takes the attention out of their hands.<br /><br />I also seem to have "Empath" tattooed on my forehead because I seem to get a lot of confidences, even from people I barely know. I've managed to shake off most of the ones who exhaust themselves sharing so much that they never bother to ask how the hell I'm doing in return... <br /><br />All this when I really don't like labels either! Too constricting and connotative. But often helpful to start building understanding, then you can take the labels off.<br /><br />So going back to the "Observer"/Watching Eyeballs thing, I do think this reaction largely depends on how comfortable I am with my surroundings. I've mentioned "my" bar to you before, the one that feels like Cheers. Even if everybody doesn't know your name, the mere fact that you're stepping through the door in the first place means you are welcome. That's one of the few public places I could walk into by myself, and switch from being just "The Observer" to adding in other aspects without even thinking about it, and so, perhaps, the labels cease to exist.<br /><br />Oddly enough, social media has helped me step out of that default role I seem to push myself into. My day job involves talking to people online about my company. That's me sitting at a computer talking in my head to people I may never meet in person. Yet I've gone to networking functions in the evening right after, still riding on the crest of all those connections, and found that I too could breeze in, make eye contact and start talking with "real" people. Is it sudden extroversion? Tapping into a latent facet of myself? Something else? <br /><br />We've been talking about balance recently, and I'd like to achieve balance between extro- and introversion. Both still have their uses, but they also have pitfalls without it.<br /><br />What are some of the things blogging and social media in general has done to you?Becky Bhttp://thehouseofbeck.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-637372924851105604.post-67340549182090838082011-07-31T23:52:24.064-04:002011-07-31T23:52:24.064-04:00Sounds like an old Bill Cosby routine: "I nee...Sounds like an old Bill Cosby routine: "I need to be the real authentic me!" "What if the real authentic you is a jerk and an asshole?"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-637372924851105604.post-66574026879710817252011-05-31T12:39:10.516-04:002011-05-31T12:39:10.516-04:00Thanks, Noel. I don't know how brave I am, but...Thanks, Noel. I don't know how brave I am, but I do want to share the observations with others. =)Ty Unglebowerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06836504600859993438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-637372924851105604.post-40936490354495072302011-05-31T11:45:27.965-04:002011-05-31T11:45:27.965-04:00Such a great post! I really love how you did into ...Such a great post! I really love how you did into your personal reflection of self as an example for all of us, your readers. So brave. :)Noelhttp://www.noelrozny.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-637372924851105604.post-45600274540441584672011-05-28T13:38:31.973-04:002011-05-28T13:38:31.973-04:00Thanks for your comments, Steph.
You are not the ...Thanks for your comments, Steph.<br /><br />You are not the first one to bring up the concept of being different people to different groups. One person even told me that it is better to pretend to be whatever is most socially acceptable to any given group, so that you can have more groups and get along better with more people. Needless to say, I don't agree with that.<br /><br />That isn't to say some aspects of our personality don't get more air time in front of certain friends than in front of others. But I think there is a big difference between the slight natural variations we display depending on our group, and allowing the group to dictate what and who we are. Because no matter what aspect of our personality is dominant in a given group, it can still be natural.<br /><br />From what I gather, your example of how you "revert" when with older friends is exactly what I am talking about. You still feel that need to play the version of you that used to always be that way. You are still an introvert of course, and always will be, but it sounds as though you are capable of being less "background" now, and yet still gravitate towards that role when with certain people. Even though it isn't 100% you anymore. I sympathize with that, as I am still working on not playing the aloof one at certain times. It's a process indeed.Ty Unglebowerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06836504600859993438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-637372924851105604.post-83766339253211402922011-05-28T09:45:17.073-04:002011-05-28T09:45:17.073-04:00I find myself connecting to this post because I...I find myself connecting to this post because I've noticed that, no matter how hard I try, I'm a different person with each group of friends.<br /><br />When I was growing up, I was incredibly shy. People thought I was snobby and standoffish. I was a pushover, and often ended up having friends with strong personalities who walked all over me. I receded into the background.<br /><br />I'm still an introvert. I'm still shy. I still experience social anxiety. But I've come into my own. I can be friendly and social and funny, when my energy is up. I'm more confident in my abilities, and I like to help others.<br /><br />Still, when I'm out with older friends, I revert. I recede back into the background. I'm a lesser version of myself. My standoffishness? A defense mechanism.<br /><br />I wish I could be the best version of myself <i>all</i> the time.<br /><br />Thanks for this post, Ty!<br /><br />p.s. I'm fascinated by the fact that you're so involved with theater, being an introvert and all. I know that introversion and social anxiety are two separate things, but mine go hand in hand. I cantor funeral masses, but I feel extreme anxiety every damn time. I wish I could do speaking engagements for my coaching biz, but I'm too scared. Any advice on how I can improve in the courage department?Steph Auterihttp://www.freelancedom.comnoreply@blogger.com